Purity in Dating + Engagement

Hugh and I sought to be physically pure before marriage.  We certainly weren't perfect in our pre-marriage relationship, but God did bless us in our attempts, and I believe our marriage has benefitted as a result {a result of our efforts in part, but most importantly because of God's grace}.

Anyway, before we started "dating", we knew we wanted to date with the intent of getting married.  Casual dating {in my opinion AND in my experience} only gets people into trouble because there's a far, far away end in sight, and lots of time in between to fall into temptation traps.

To help us keep from falling to such traps, we decided to set physical boundaries in addition to dating with the purpose of marriage {as a couple older and wiser than us recommended}.   Looking back, I believe these were the main guidelines we tried to stay within:

• always be in public places and/or with friends when together  (NEVER hang out with no one else around or with a person who doesn't care about your physical purity)
• treat one another like a true brother/sister (because we are brother and sister in Christ, and we are to help each other as such)
• with that in mind, we did not kiss before our wedding day... not even little, teensy pecks on the cheek
• we did not hold hands until we were engaged 
• there were NO long hugs between us

For us, each of the above guidelines was significantly helpful in remaining pure regarding the other guidelines.  As a couple, you simply can't be general and say "we're just not going to make out...  but simple kisses are okay...."  When you walk down that path, you quickly enter into trouble.

We also had a mature {married} couple leading us through pre-marital sessions {even before engagement}.  Another thing that really helped us was maintaining some spiritual/emotional distance.  Although we were certainly close relationally, we avoided treating each other like husband/wife as well as trying to fill the role of best friends.  I certainly can't speak for men, but as a woman, this was a HUGE help for me in maintaining emotional purity before marriage.

Although we wouldn't prescribe the exact same guidelines to other couples in general {though we might if we knew them well and felt like they'd be benefitted by such guidelines}, we would ere on the side of caution for many of the reasons Kevin DeYoung mentions below in this short {4 min} video, in which he answers the question "How far is too far??"   I hope it helps you understand the biblical worldview regarding dating a little more and maybe even question where you fall with regard to this hard topic.
Even if you are married and this doesn't seem to apply to you, it's still good to have a godly perspective regarding dating and engagement because all of us "old" married couples will invariable influence younger couples aspiring toward marriage.

The book Kevin mentions in the video is Sex, Dating, and Relationships: A fresh approach  by Gerald Hiestand.  I haven't read it yet, but you can easily "look inside" the book on Amazon... chapter titles seemed good to me at first glance.  :)


The video above is from Tony Reinke via Desiring God.  You can read the entire post AND find links to other videos about DeYoung's new book {The Hole in our Holiness: filling the gap between gospel passion and the pursuit of holiness} on Tony's blog post: How Far Is Too Far Before Marriage?

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FFF: Enoch's 11th Month

Can I please just say that I can NOT believe that my little boy {my baby} is turning one next week????  How did this happen?  I was talking with a friend yesterday about this {her baby is a few weeks younger than Enoch}, and we both agreed that 9 mos of pregnancy ticked by so slowly and yet this whole year after birth has simply zoomed by...  crazy!!!

For Little Man, this month has been full of changes and exciting accomplishments.  I'm going to try to list them out, but I'm certain that I will miss a few of them...

• crawling {he's not very fast yet, but he's getting better everyday!}
• understanding more of what "come here" means {this used to mean I was going to pick him up, but now he's starting to understand that I want him to crawl to me, and 70% of the time he obeys this command easily}
• pulling up {hasn't mastered it completely yet, but he is constantly trying, and if he gets the perfect grab, he can do it on his own... with a little bit of hard work}
• putting toys "in" and taking them "out" of a larger object {sometimes on command}
• sharing toys or whatever he picks up off the ground {he is very reliable about this command, and it helps me keep unwanted objects out of his mouth}
• sitting up in his crib when we come to get him after a nap  {this is SO cute!!}
• tickling and rough-housing with Daddy  {Enoch LOVES this... as does Hugh!!!}
• making big splashes in the bath tub
• mimicking sounds
• teething...  He now has 4 on top & 4 on bottom!!!

And here are a few of the more challenging changes.  With crawling and simply getting bigger in general, has come more discipline issues:

• learning what "NO" means {usually when he's crawling toward a forbidden object, and I say "no", he will stop crawling and turn around to look at me.  then he will sometimes crawl to me when prompted.}
• screaming and yelling to *try* and get his way {and no, we do not allow this, but teaching him to control his emotions has proven harder than other self control issues (like not touching)}
• yelling when he wants "more" food while we are eating.  Since we are still cutting up his food into small pieces, he's dependent on us for a continuous flow of food, but sometimes (or usually?) we don't go fast enough {hard to believe, huh??}, and that's when he yells to prompt us.  {and again, we do not allow this, but I feel like this is another one of the harder areas to control for various reasons, so we are constantly working on this.}  

rocking the rocking chair

teething!!!

And, I feel like I should also give a weight update for Enoch because I don't think I've officially put one up on the blog in a while.  So, we've gone in for a few more doc visits since the last post, and at each one Enoch has been gaining weight!  {He was 19 lbs, 14 oz at 11 mos, and I'm guessing he's over 20 lbs now.}  Our next appointment will be his well-baby check-up at around 12 mos {which is incredibly soon!!}.   The bloodwork tests they did on him came back pretty normal {there were a few numbers that could've been pursued with further testing IF the increased volume didn't do the trick, but the volume seemed to have been the problem.}..   So we've continued with the increased volume of food, and it seems to be working great!  Enoch nurses 5x per day still, and in the mid afternoon he also gets a bottle of either thawed breastmilk or formula {my stash of frozen breastmilk is running quite low these days though}.  After his 1 year birthday, we'll transitition him over to whole milk for the extra daily supplement *hopefully he likes it*.  Right now we plan to continue nursing him after his first birthday, but we're really not sure when we plan to stop yet, so I guess we should decide that...  Honestly though, nursing is the easiest, cheapest, healthiest way to feed him, so there are certainly plenty of reasons for us to keep on going strong.  :)

learning how to use his walker.  :)

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The Kingdom {R2g: What is the Gospel?}

This week we covered Chapter 6 of Greg Gilbert's What is the Gospel?  I thought he did a great job explaining what God's kingdom is like in a few particular ways:

First, I appreciated his brief definition of God's kingdom as: "God's redemptive rule, reign, and authority over those redeemed by Jesus" (p. 88).  Just listen to what these verses have to say about the salvation leading Christians into the kingdom of God:

He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.   (Colossians 1:13-14)

Second, Gilbert's statement about inclusion in the kingdom of God is piercing:

Therefore, being a citizen of Christ's kingdom is not a matter of just "living a kingdom life" or "following Jesus' example" or "living like Jesus lived."  The fact is, a person can be a self-professed "Jesus-follower" or "kingdom-life liver" and still be outside the kingdom.  You can live like Jesus lived all you want, but unless you've come to the crucified King in repentance and faith, relying on him alone as the perfect sacrifice for your sin and your only hope for salvation, you're neither a Christian nor a citizen of his kingdom.   (p. 95-96)

And last, I also thought he did a good job explaining the "already but not yet" aspect of the kingdom.  This is a phrase that I hadn't heard of until a few years ago.  It refers to the fact that as believers, we have been given some tastes of the completed kingdom of God {already} but we are not yet able to fully savor it.  For instance, we've already been given the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort us, and we have already been perfectly reconciled to the Father.  BUT we still live in a fallen world, and as a result, sin is still a constant battle for us, and it will continue to be until the kingdom is ushered in {not yet}.

So then, how ought we to live?  I'll let the Word speak for itself...

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions.  Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness.  (Romans 6:12-13)

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.  Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.  Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul.  (1 Peter 2:9-11)

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guardedthrough faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.  (1 Peter 1:3-5)

With promises like these, we push through the here and now with the grace that has already been given to us as we long for what has not yet been revealed.  Gilbert sums it up like this:

"It's not at all that living the life of the kingdom brings us into the kingdom.  It's that once we have been brought into the kingdom through faith in the King, we find ourselves with a new master, a new law, a new charter, a new life -- and therefore we begin to want to live the life of the kingdom."  (p. 97)

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Believe it or not, we only have two more chapters left in this book!!  Chapter 7 (Keeping the Cross at the Center) will be next week and then Chapter 8 (The Power of the Gospel) will follow it up a week later.  {I realize that I haven't been great at doing these posts every week.  I have good intentions though to follow through with these last two chapters by having them done on time.}

I think that after we finish this book, we'll take a week or two break before starting the next one.  And, speaking of the next book I plan to blog through, I think I've settled on a good one...  I'm going to keep it a secret for a few more days til I have time to write up a post about it, but for now I'll tell you that it has a great {female} author, and it's a compilation of a few excellent biographies of stellar women of the faith.   Intrigued yet, ladies?   I hope so!  I'll announce it soon...  :)

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FFF: This past week's highlights

SO sorry this post is a day late & that I've been somewhat absent from the world of blogging for the past week in general... life happens, you know?  And so I've been slightly busy just enjoying the gifts that each day holds.  Speaking of, here are some pics from the past week:

First up, we had dinner with Hugh's two graduate students last week.  We typically like to do something with them weekly just to keep up with them on a more personal, fun level.  They're both such nice guys, they are so sweet with Enoch, and we always have great conversations!  

Meet Eghbal (left) and Apurba (right)

Last weekend we went to a wedding where two of our friends from church were married by our pastor.  They are such a sweet and cute couple, and we really enjoyed the marriage ceremony.  Almost everyone from church also came (most were involved w/ the wedding), so it was nice to get to talk with them afterwards.  In fact, we enjoyed it so much that we were among the last to leave (as you can see below).  :)

One of our friends from church singing a solo at the wedding.  

(Our pastor is the man sitting behind her.)

at the wedding reception

And in other news, Enoch has been enjoying his crawling skills!  This has definitely kept me quite busy this week, as we've had to remain diligent in teaching Enoch what he can and can't get into.  We had a sweet friend come and help us finish baby-proofing our house (installing cabinet catches and screwing dangerous furniture to the wall) this week, so that's been a huge help too!  Below, you can see Enoch in "his" cabinet (it's the one he can get into).  It's directly beside the sink and is full of tupperware and coordinating lids.  As you can see, he really enjoys sorting and pulling.  :)

helping mama in the kitchen

And his new favorite thing to do is to crawl and get us.  He especially likes to do this while I wash dishes (below)!  Sometimes, he'll even just sit below me and play for a bit... until he sees something else that needs to be gotten.  haha!

And here's a crawling video from this week:

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Crawling!

Well, a little over 11 mos after being born, Enoch John finally decided he wanted to crawl.  Haha!  I think he may have learned how by being in the kitchen floor so much (while I cook/clean).  On Friday, I watched him make slow "crawling" efforts toward some dirt specks near the oven (dirt specks are his all-time favorite thing to find and... eat... uck!!).  But there wasn't much distance to cover before he ran into the oven, literally.

So on Saturday morning, Hugh decided he wanted to see if he could get Enoch to crawl (to help me know if he was truly crawling or not).  Now, "tempting" Enoch to crawl is tough to do because toys are usually not a good enough incentive for him, usually only dirt is.  However, Hugh thought that trying Cheerios might work, so he put some on the far side of Enoch's quilt.  And then we both just sat back and watched... stunned!  Our little stationary baby can MOVE!!   Here it is on video:



Now believe it or not, after only a few days of practice, he's so much better at crawling than this!  In fact, it seems to me that crawling has given him more incentive to pull up as well because now he's testing that out too.  :)  

Hope you enjoyed the video, and I'll try to post up some more later in the week once he's had more practice.

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FFF: Lesson Learned

Well, I learned my lesson about naked babies this week... don't leave them naked for too long!!

This is the pee puddle which resulted from me leaving a certain naked little boy on the quilt (on the floor) while I filled his bathtub.  Haha!  I usually play peek-a-boo around the corner with him while I fill the tub, and this time as I peeked out, he was just sitting there staring at his little fountain filling the floor around him.  Poor guy, he wasn't sure what to think about all of the warm liquid!   And of course, by the time I saw him peeing, there was nothing for me to do.  Besides learn a lesson.  So, I plan to keep naked-baby time to a minimum in this household from this point on.

{Granted, I'd prefer for him to pee out of the tub than IN the tub, but that's beside the point...}

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Reading Together: "What is the Gospel?" Chapter 5

This week, I really enjoyed reading Chapter 5 of What is the Gospel? which was titled "Response - Faith and Repentance."   This part of the gospel is so vital yet is often forgotten or minimized when we share the gospel with others. Why is this?  Doesn't the good news of the gospel demand a response?  Either a person believes that Jesus alone can bear your sin and grant you his right standing with the Father, or he/she doesn't. There is no middle ground, no grey area.  So, a person either repents and believes {in faith} or else he/she ultimately rejects the true gospel.  That's why this topic is so important to cover fully.  What does true, sincere faith and repentance look like?


Well, I'm glad you asked...   Believe it or not, Gilbert does a great job describing faith and repentance in the opening pages of this chapter:

That command - repent and believe {referring to Jesus' command in Mark 1:15} - is what God requires of us in response to the good news of Jesus... In other words, a Christian is one who turns away from his sin and trusts in the Lord Jesus Christ - and nothing else - to save him from sin and the coming judgment.  (p. 73)

And he goes into more thorough detail later as well.  He summarizes faith as "a rock-solid, truth-grounded, promise-founded trust in the risen Jesus to save you from sin." (p. 74)  What a beautiful definition (of sorts).  If you'll re-read it, you'll notice that faith in Jesus is not blind or unfounded.   Listen to the apsotle Paul describe Abraham's faith:

In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah's womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised.  (Romans 4:18-21, NIV, emphasis mine)

Can you also trust God to do what He promises?  He has promised that if we have faith in Christ, we will be granted Christ's right standing with the Father as Jesus takes our sin on himself to pay the full penalty - death.

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.  (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Now, on to the other part of this all important topic - repentance.  Here is Gilbert's synopsis of how faith and repentance are integrated:

If faith is turning to Jesus and relying on him for salvation, repentance is the flip side of that coin.  It is turning away from sin, hating it, and resolving by God's strength to forsake it, even as we turn to him in faith ...  Repentance... is absolutely crucial to [the Christian life], marking out those who have been saved by God from those who have not.  (p. 79)

Now certainly, Gilbert is not calling for sinless perfectionism.  No, true followers of Jesus will struggle with sin as long as we live in this fallen world, but what the Bible teaches is that we should fight hard against our sin.  We are to be at war with our own sinful impulses and actions everyday.  Hear how the apostle Paul explains this truth:

For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.  (Romans 8:13)

That's what true Christians do, they put to death the deeds of the body [sin] through the Holy Spirit.  And again, of course this is not something that anyone can be perfect in minute by minute for days and weeks and years.  But, I think that believers should see progress toward being sanctified into Christ-likeness more and more over time.  I mean, if the Spirit of God dwells in a person, can sin comfortably remain?  No!  After God gives us a new heart, we are to bear fruit in keeping with our repentance (Acts. 26:20).  Our affections are to change.

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Here are some questions to ponder regarding this chapter:

• When you stand before the judgment seat of our holy and righteous Creator, how will you prove that you're worthy to enter His heavenly kingdom?
• If you would claim Jesus' righteousness in the first question {because you have repented and believed in Him}, how have you been changed as a result of your belief and repentance?  
• Where do your affections now lie: with Christ and His glory or with your own sinful desires?
• And if you're reading the book with me, what did you think of Gilbert's jumping in the pool analogy regarding faith?

We'll be doing Chapter 6: The Kingdom next week.  And I'm currently trying to decide which book I'll read through next.  Any suggestions?  Leave a comment, email, or call me with any ideas (however general or specific they may be)!

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FFF: A Box, A Bully, & Two Teeth

Well, as you may have guessed from the title, Enoch has been a busy boy this week!   First, he got to enjoy playing with his first (Amazon) box!  Hugh got in a shipment earlier this week and placed it on the floor near the trash can, intending for it to be thrown away, but Little Man had different plans with it.  haha!   

Ever since he discovered it, it has been a great source of entertainment for him! In fact, he most often prefers it over his regular "toys" as you can see in this (rather long) video.  




(And yes, my kitchen is almost always this full of scattered toys now...  But I don't even mind anymore!)


And then, Enoch also had his first encounter with a bully this week... Bully, the Bulldog, that is.  ;)  Bully was at the "welcome back" bbq this week for all of the MSU faculty and their families.  It was really funny to see how the kids reacted so differently to him.  Some loved the giant doggie head and would follow him around, while others (like our child) were mortified by him.  I think what freaked Enoch out the most was that Hugh actually tried giving him to Bully (trying to get a great shot of Enoch and Bully)..  Let's just say that Enoch didn't want too much to do with that mean old bulldog after that (Can you see him clinging to Hugh and trying to escape from Bully??).  haha!

And last but not least, Enoch's top 2 teeth finally broke through his gums this week!  There's one more (on the side opposite my thumb in the photo below) that is so close to breaking through as well, but I couldn't get a good shot of all 3 teeth.  

Let's just say that the little shark just got much more dangerous with the addition of those top two chompers!  

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More Visitors... and no "Reading Together" this week

Okay, I'm going to pull a "skip" card out of the uno deck for this week's post for reading "What is the gospel?" together...  Having Monday off should've helped me get it done but instead it threw me off kilter.  haha!  So I'll post about Chapter 5 next week.  Sorry for the delay, but I hope this will give you a breather as well.  :) 

And guess what!??!  We had more visitors this past weekend!  I wanted to announce it sooner since we were so excited about them coming, but I decided to keep it hush, hush since I don't like advertising when friends/family will be leaving their homes to see us... it's just a safety thing, you know?  

Anyway, my dad (Steve) and stepmom (Susie) along with Susie's cousin (Suzi, who's really more like a sister to Susie) and her husband (Doug) came and visited us!  As you may recall, this wasn't Enoch's first time to see all of them together..  We all went to the Art Museum a while back as well, which was quite fun!  (you can read about that here)  

For this trip, they took advantage of the holiday and drove down all day Friday, stayed through Sunday and then visited Memphis a bit on their way back on Monday.  We enjoyed their visit so much!!  I wish I had more photos, but it's just hard to take them when you're out having fun...  ;)  Here's a run-down of what all we did do though: 

On Friday night, we all met up at an incredibly good local restaurant in West Point, MS (the town where their hotel was).  They served us up some legit southern cooking and great hospitality!  Then, on Saturday while Enoch napped, Dad & Doug visited an antique car show while Susie & Suzi visited a local (yet huge) craft fair in downtown West Point.  After Enoch's nap, we all joined up and went to see this amazing antebellum home outside of West Point.  It was stunning!  Built in the 1850s and although vacant for approximately 50 years, still intact enough for our tour guide's parents to restore it in the 1960s.  (You can read more about it here, and you should because it's an interesting place!  Robert Snow's daughter was our guide, and she did a superb job!)

This was a HUGE southern magnolia tree we spotted as we approached the mansion (which you can see in the photo below on the left side).  The tour guide told us it's the oldest S magnolia in the state (or maybe even the nation???) coming in between 250 and 300 years old!  So of course we had to get a group photo!  (from the left to right: Steve, Suzi, Susie, Enoch, Doug)

This is Waverley Mansion.  It's a 4 story beauty (the 3rd story doesn't have windows, so it's hard to see).  They've done an excellent job preserving/restoring it and also filling it full of beautiful antique decor and furnishings.  And believe it or not, the tour guide and her father (the man who restored this starting back in the 60's) still live there today!  They sleep on the antique beds and use the delicate china to eat with!  And they do it all without A/C in these MS summers.  I was pretty impressed!  But one of the cool things about the mansion that makes this possible is that the center circular part that rises high and makes the 3rd and 4th stories creates a chimney effect so that the heat rises and pulls in the cooler air into the downstairs rooms through the windows.  That's some cool architecture, huh?

And even though we weren't allowed to take any photos inside the mansion, our tour guide (Miss Snow) took a liking to Enoch, and she encouraged us to put him on one of the beds and snap a picture.  Cute, huh?

Anyway, back to the story, we all had dinner on Saturday night at our place, and then our visitors headed out on Sunday, visited Memphis on their way back, and then made it home by Monday (I think...).  :)  It was a fun weekend, and I'm glad I at least got a few photos!!  :)

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Playing in the Rain

By the time the remnants of Hurricane Isaac reached us, only mild rain remained.  We were thankful to only get a bit of rain since the hurricane did quite a bit of damage in other areas.  After being cooped up inside all day, Enoch and I ventured out in the afternoon to watch some cars and look at the rain.  There was a place on our carport where the rain was lightly dropping from the gutter above and splashing the concrete below, so I took Enoch over to see if he might want to try touching the falling drops of water.

Sure enough, he thought reaching for the water was fun, so we did that for a little while.  Then, since it was so much fun, he convinced me (or maybe I just decided it'd be fun...) to let him stand up and reach for the falling drops of water.  

As you can see, the water splashing up from the ground got him quite wet after just a few minutes.   Who knew water could travel up a baby so quickly?   And I just thought his little wet feet were so precious looking, so I just had to take a picture with them covered in the tiny water droplets.

Anyway, after standing in it for a short bit, he was drenched... So I did what good mom would've done... I just let him sit on the wet concrete and play in the water for a while.  It was probably one of the most fun spur of the moment things we've done in a while, and it was made doubly better (at least for Enoch) by all of the cars driving through big puddles on the road in front of our house.  Playing in water + watching cars = fun, fun, fun for little boys.  ;)

And then I had to shuck him down naked before coming inside since he was soaking wet...  at which point he got even cuter... there's just something about naked, wet babies.  

And for those of you who like to get in on the action, here's a quick video too.  I know it's hard to see the rain falling, but try to focus hard near his left hand (not the hand on the left side) and you'll see it.  :)  

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